we have officially lost it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
