It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
