So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My hand turned me down
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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