btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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