i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
