i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
