I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
