i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Farmville is her only friend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
