just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
