the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
