Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
