You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
