I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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