she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
