Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
