Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
