I puked a lego.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize