everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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