wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
