Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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