Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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