How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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