Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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