Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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