I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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