if you like me you must not know who I am
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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