Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When are your genitals available?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
