Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
