I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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