make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize