Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
