Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
