o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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