I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I need to calm my uterus...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
