No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
