i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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