god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
