I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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