She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize