Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
