That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
