apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
