she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
