This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
