I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
