Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
