i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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