1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
