Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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