cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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