he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
are you so shy because you have an std?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize