Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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