hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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