Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
