Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
