So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
