My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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