Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
