Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
