Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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