guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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