SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
