I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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