I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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