please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
