I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
