Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
