I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
