On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
