Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
