Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
