oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it's like iHOP with fire
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
