what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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